You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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