Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I could make wine with my vomit
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
