Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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