I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize