Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
