Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
