I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
