Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
