Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Are my feet made of real feet?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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