just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
