Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
