i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
