Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
