OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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