yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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