Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
