i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
