When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
