Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
