Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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