the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
