The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
