If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i was born a porn star she said
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
