I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
