i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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