so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
