Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
A+ Viking dick
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