I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
