oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
