I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Say something about gay babies.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
