If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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