I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
