somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
