kristin has been a bad kristin
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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