Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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