How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
