I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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