I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
