so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
