Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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