you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
