Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
