could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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