i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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