but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
