Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
