forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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