He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
