Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
