I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
