Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
