I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
