So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
