come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
