There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
