um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
