i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
