I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Randomize
