Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I believe in your delicious
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
