your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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