im having a threesome with these popsicles
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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