sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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