Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
