her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
