I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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