If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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