i think my tv is drunk
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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