how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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