ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize