so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
