Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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