First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
