remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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