Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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