waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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