I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize