I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
