So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
