yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
