Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
