I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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