The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
