we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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