Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think i got beer on your cat.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
