I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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