so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
