i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
