so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
