i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
