she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
