your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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