I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
