I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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