I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
