what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
