Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
