You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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